Today is Hard

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Today is hard. I have bad days and really bad days. I know it seems like all I do is complain about how much my life sucks, whoa is me but trust me, this shit keeps getting worse.
Last night Cole asked some inevitable questions and as I tried to explain the best I could I couldn’t help wondering how much we’ve screwed this poor kid up.
If not for the kindness of family I honestly don’t know where we would be. I am grateful and awed by generosity.
I am not done processing everything in my own head so I can’t possibly make sense but writing helps me make sense sometimes. God only knows what kind of sense I’m making.
I am told I snored last night so I must have slept yet I’m so exhausted. My thoughts are unclear. I go from one extreme to the next.
Someday this will all make sense, I tell myself fiercely as I hang on with my fingertips. It will get better. I grit my teeth till my jaw aches. It will get better.

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