Leave Me Alone

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It’s hard to find a place to be alone, and *ahem* “alone” with my husband, with our current living situation.  Sometimes I like to just be by myself, to write in my journal or watch an unabashedly girly show or movie, or just to chill out with some music.  Being in a house with five other people, one of whom is a five year old with no sense of privacy, it’s tough.  We are staying in the basement, which is divided into a finished portion and an unfinished portion.  My MIL and Cole stay in the finished portion, and then Adam and I are in the back in the unfinished portion.  Adam, bless him, has tried to make it cozy, with a T.V. and a clothes hanger and all of our stuff neat and organized, but it’s still a basement and it’s still not MINE.  In the morning my MIL will switch on the light in the other part of the room, or start the washer and dryer, and that wakes me up.  She coughs, and I can hear it.  My aunt and uncle walk around upstairs and the ceiling creaks.  We FINALLY got a regular mattress, so at least I don’t have to sleep fearing that my bed with cave in around me and I’ll wake up on the concrete. 

As far as the OTHER alone time, that’s even harder.  We have to wait until everyone goes to bed and I feel like a freaking teenager, sneaking around behind my parent’s backs.  With my HUSBAND.  We can’t go outside anywhere, because it’s winter and freezing outside, so we can’t even sit in the garage.  Last night, in a fit of desperation, we announced we were taking a walk and went down to the park, but again, it was very cold and we couldn’t stay there that long.  Then we came home, turned off all the lights, switched on a fan, and… yeah, had our alone time.  Quietly.

Plus someone is always up my ass… I have to have an explanation whenever I leave the house, and sometimes I’m leaving the house because I want to get away from these people but it would be rude to say that, so I have to think up something to do.  The other night I drove around in circles, radio up as loud as it could go, singing at the top of my lungs.  It felt so good to be ALONE, in my little private bubble. 

I am completely grateful to be in this packed house, but I can’t WAIT till I can call my own home, home.

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