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My readership seems to have been lacking lately, so I thought I was being too depressing and should talk about something EVERYONE can get behind…no pun intended. Sex. Or more to the point, how you have sex while living with your husband’s family in the basement.

I will admit the other day we did it outside.Not recommended in sub zero temperatures. It lasted about 5 seconds, though the shivering lasted much longer.

Inside, you must be VERY quiet. Like press a pillow over your mouth quiet. Like turn on the fan, the TV, and the radio. Do not make any sudden movements. It is not recommended to try anything different, for you never know when chaos could ensue.

 MAKE SURE THE DOOR IS CLOSED AND PREFERABLY LOCKED. Nothing kills the mood like your MIL witnessing your body all contorted weirdly and no matter what your husband says, you totally look weird.

The room must be pitch black, so you can feign sleep if anyone comes in. Explain away your heavy breathing with something like “Man, some guy was chasing me in my dream!” In this same vein, save the sexy outfits a T shirt will suffice and he doesn’t care anyway, he’s getting some.

Hopefully some of these bits will come in handy, but what I hope most for you is that you don’t ever have to live in the basement.

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