Bits.

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I’ve been sitting here staring at the white blankness, trying to figure out what to right.  I have been ambivilent about the blog lately; I had some trolls and I made the tough decision to take down some of my most painful and honest posts.  I hated to do it, because there have always been people that supported me and read what I wrote with an open mind, but at this point in my life I just couldn’t take the negativity and bad thoughts from people that claimed to know me.  There is a huge *thing* going on in my life right now that I don’t feel comfortable talking about and I guess that’s one of the main reasons that I haven’t been writing.

Yesterday was my husband’s grandmother’s funeral.  I couldn’t decide if I should take Cole or not; I remember going to a funeral when I was about his age, and he’s been asking a lot of questions about Nana and her passing, so I thought that maybe it would help him to be there with everybody.  He was charming, as always, dressed up in his little suit, making friends with everyone and causing people to smile through their tears.  I think he was a light in the sadness, and I’m glad that I chose to take him.  He asked me where Nana was, and what exactly was she doing up in Heaven?  The classic line of the day was when he turned to me and said, “Mom?  If you want to say Oh my gosh, instead you can just say Oh my Nana Rose, because that’s where she is (enthusiastic finger point to the ceiling), she’s up there with God!”  Now the entire family will forever say Oh my Nana Rose, and in this way her memory can live on. 

The *thing* will be OVER in 6 days, and perhaps then I will find it easier to write.  Right now I am just banging my head into the wall, over and over, and nothing worthwhile is coming about because of it.  Hopefully you’ll stick around and see what happens…

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One response »

  1. I am glad the “thing” will be over soon.

    I am so sorry to hear about Nana Rose. It’s never easy to lose a loved one. But your plate is already so full.

    But Cole sounds like a delight.

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