Big Meeting

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I know that I’ve left everyone hanging…I make a big fuss about the Big Meeting with my mom and then I just go off the radar for a couple days… I’m sorry! The truth is, I was (am) still processing everything. I’m cautiously optimistic, I think.

So we decided to meet at a restaurant right by my house. I decided to go with casual clothes, no make-up. I walked into the restaurant with my heart in my throat… I didn’t know the first thing to say! I started with Hi, because my mom was already there and seated. She looks the same, maybe a little older in the face. She greeted me back and then we sat there.

“I don’t know where to start,” I admitted.

“Well, you’re kind of the one that initiated this meeting, so what did you want to talk about?”

“I just–I feel like it’s been too long and I want you and Cole to have a relationship. I needed a break from you and everyone in the family but now things are better and I feel that I’m in a better place and it’s just time.”

We decided that it wouldn’t be a good idea to rehash everything that went wrong, though of course we both caught ourselves doing just that throughout the conversation. There were tears, from both sides. After we had finished eating we decided to sit outside for a while because it was gorgeous out. We sat on the grass and both immediately started picking at it. I told her some things that had hurt me, she told me some things that had hurt her. We both apologized, both said that it was never our intention to go this long without speaking. She told me that I have burned a lot of bridges, meaning extended family, and when we were talking about my stepdad I broke down (again). But we were there, we were talking, and we have plans to take Cole to the playground next weekend.

So as I said, I am cautiously hopeful. By no means do I think that we will just go back to being BFF, that happy family that I miss. I know that time heals, and keeping the lines of communication open between Cole and his grandmother is what is most important to me right now. I hope that we are on the right track, but who knows. Like I said, I’m still digesting things, still thinking of things that were said and processing information. But I’m choosing to be hopeful, choosing to look on the bright side.

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