I am a bad friend. Social anxiety coupled with depression that makes it hard to leave the house makes it very difficult to be my friend. I will make plans and then break them, tell people that I will call and won’t. I don’t know what I did before texting, because I don’t like to talk on the phone either.
I feel bad about this, and about once a week make a resolution to myself that I will try harder. There are still a couple people hanging on the fringe, daring to invite me outside of my house. I tell myself that I will make an effort with them, that I will make plans and keep them, and then it always falls apart. I personally wouldn’t want to be friends with myself.
I was invited to a bonfire this weekend and have already caught myself trying to think of excuses why I cannot go. But I’ve cancelled on this friend a million times already, PROMISED her that I would make more of an effort, so I’m forcing myself to go. Maybe now that it has been written down I’ll HAVE to do it.
I really want to be a good friend, I want a friend that I can text all the time and she’ll know what I’m thinking/feeling without asking and will understand when I just want to stay in my pajamas all day and will sit with me and watch Netflix and eat junk food. But first I will have to make the effort myself and I am really going to try.