I stand, hand outstretched. I am poised on the edge of change, quivering with anticipation. I am full of hope and fear in equal measure. All I have to do is take a step, but my mind stops me. It’s time, I tell myself, it’s time, but the past swirls around me and I can’t seem to let it go. My stomach is in knots and my hands are sweaty, my mind racing. I have to do it. I take the step.
Once upon a time, if I was upset I would spill everything to anyone who would listen. A friend, a co worker, my mom, anyone with ears would do. Through painful experience I have learned that it isn’t always the best thing in the world to share with EVERYONE. Some things are meant to stay in my head and my heart.
I wear my pain in private. I cry in the shower, or driving by myself. I put myself to bed early so I have time to think by myself. I spend a lot of time by myself, lately. I don’t share.
I’m working through it, on my own.