He corners me, takes me in my bedroom which is messy and I feel like this is just one more reason for him to think I’m incompetent, we are in my messy room and he peppers me with questions. What am I doing? What is the Program? Why do I need this? And on and on. I explain as best I can. I try and remember, I am an adult and I make my own choices but I feel like a child who is getting lectured. Because the lecture; it’s pretty much the same every time but I don’t get any more used to listening to it. I ask, again, if we can ever have a time when we talk WITHOUT the lecture, but I know it’s useless. I listen and reassure him as much as I can.
He leaves and I call my mom. She talks me down, I tell her that my anxiety is high and she tells me that I know I’m doing the right thing and I AM an adult…I feel better when I talk to her. She is driving, talking a mile a minute about traffic and in between reassuring me she is looking for something and getting impatient so I let her go. I feel better, a little.
At least he knows now. At least that’s over. Maybe I will sleep tonight. I take a deep breath.


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